Pandora's Glimpse

I still remember that time in your living room, on the floor. You were on top of me, moving, and I looked in your eyes. I still marvel at the surprise and joy I saw there. You were home, and making love, to me of all people. That feeling was so wonderful it was frightening, like winning a tarantula. What do I do with THIS now?

Now so much time has passed I wonder if you think of it at all, or if all you see is the crying, or the yelling, or simply me...lost. Would you at least think of me fondly? Can you put aside your fear for one minute and just smile when I cross your mind? I know you wrap yourself in that suspicion like a blanket, it's security so comforting.

Yes, fear - like pain - can be a good thing, protective and familiar. There was a time I would have done anything to tear it from you, as if I could teach you something you already know. Screaming at you to look in the mirror and just let go will not work. You have to want it, and what I like about you most is that you know exactly what you want.

So I settle for the memory of your arms around me, your hair in my face. What eye contact we have made in the past is all we will have. But when you shrug and look down, I know we share those moments, that you have them inside you as well. It is my small victory. I couldn't break the wall down, but I got to peek over the top once.